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TIM MOLLEN’S LOST JOURNAL

Humor Column

Every Tuesday in
The Binghamton Press & Sun-Bulletin
every Friday in
The Ithaca Journal
and every Saturday in
The Cortland Standard

Welcome to my Lost Journal.  Having never kept an actual journal, I write these columns in retrospect.  Each week, I choose a different day in my lifetime, and write about it as though it were today.  A particular entry may be about a day last week, or Halloween 1980, or the day I was born.  Some of you may be asking, But how would you have been able to write a journal entry on the day you were born?  To you I say: Lighten up.  Its a humor column.  My most recent column is at the top of the list below.  To read the columns in order from the beginning, start at the bottom.

 


 

VS.

ESPN and Monday Night Football personality Tony Kornheiser is on my nephew Tommy Mollen’s “Enemies List” for denigrating our family's hometown of Binghamton.  Read my recent newspaper column and listen to Kornheiser’s very funny, on-air rant about it here.

Then read my follow-up column about Kornheiser’s response here.

 


 

Check back here each week for a new column.

Point your local newspaper editor to this site, and ask them to consider adding some unique humor to their pages.

PUBLISHED JOURNAL ENTRY SUBJECT
July 22, 2008 November 7, 1997 At the Help Desk, the Customer is Always Angry
July 15, 2008 July 5, 2008 Dancing Near the Stars
July 1, 2008 June 30, 2006 Friend’s Odd Gift Delivers Cleansing Humor
June 24, 2008 September 5, 1991 A Portrait of the Comedian as a Young Man
June 17, 2008 September 24, 1979 London Broil is Falling Down
June 10, 2008 June 6, 1980 Amusement Park Ride “Brings out” the Worst in Fifth-grader
June 3, 2008 June 3, 2008 Kornheiser Removed from 7-year-old’s Enemies List (for Now)
May 27, 2008 June 1, 1988 Driving Standards Shift When Shifting in a Standard
May 20, 2008 May 30, 1987 Not Working at the Car Wash
May 13, 2008 May 8, 2008 Nephew’s “Enemies List” Exposed
May 6, 2008 May 4, 1981 With Birthday Gifts, Sometimes it’s the Lack of Thought That Counts
April 29, 2008 April 6, 1973 Bedtime Prayers for a President and the Pratfall-prone
April 22, 2008 February 12, 2008 Lasikally, I Got Rid of my Glasses
April 15, 2008 February 12, 2007 For Some, the Glasses are Always Half-empty
April 8, 2008 September 28, 2006 Singing in the Land of the Burns Sisters Band
April 1, 2008 July 2, 2001 Forewarning of Firing Feels Frightening
March 18, 2008 May 7, 1976 Early Planning for a Super Career
March 11, 2008 March 17, 1983 Reel Men Don’t Jig
March 4, 2008 October 15, 1994 Dad Truly Believes in Cleaning Leaves from the Eaves
February 26, 2008 September 1, 1984 Shutout at Shea Leads Brothers to Cannibalism
February 19, 2008 May 18, 1996 Meeting Cute, Part Deux
February 12, 2008 March 9, 1996 Finding my Funny Valentine
February 5, 2008 January 23, 1987 Dramatic Reading is Nicer than a Snoo Beadling
January 29, 2008 January 29, 2008 Special BONUS Column Commentary
January 22, 2008 August 6, 2005 Up on the Woof
January 15, 2008 August 30, 1974 Can a Godfather be in the Hell’s Angels?
January 8, 2008 November 19, 1987 Nap During Lecture Leads to Conjecture
January 1, 2008 January 1, 1979 New Year’s Resolutions for 1979
December 25, 2007 December 24, 1985 Uncle’s Gift Mows Down the Christmas Spirit
December 18, 2007 June 14, 2002 It’s Like Having an Uncle in the Comedy Business!
December 4, 2007 July 3, 1986 Youth!  Leaders!  Conferring!  Inside a Youth Leadership Conference
November 27, 2007 February 26, 1982 Beware the Aquarium of Doom
November 20, 2007 November 20, 2007 Be Thankful for the Medium-sized Things
November 13, 2007 November 8, 2007 More Snores Mean Less Deep Sleep
November 6, 2007 September 10, 1988 A Pointless Bit of Yard Work Spawns Two Backyard Becketts
October 30, 2007 October 31, 1978 Kids’ Halloween Party is All About the Clothes – and the Rules
October 23, 2007 November 16, 1974 Brothers’ Names Rhyme…Sometimes
October 16, 2007 October 7, 2007 At High School Reunion, She was the Wife of the Party
October 9, 2007 October 5, 2007 20 Years Ago, We Committed to this Committee
October 2, 2007 October 2, 2007 Car Window Stickers Meet the Demand to Brand
September 25, 2007 August 26, 1987 First Day of College Knowledge
September 18, 2007 September 18, 2007 Get Your Face out of MySpace
September 11, 2007 April 18, 1982 Dungeons and Dragons and Dice – Oh my!
September 4, 2007 November 1, 1981 Mom’s Free Haircuts are Worth Every Penny
August 28, 2007 August 28, 2007 Once Removed, is a Cousin Still Family?
August 21, 2007 August 21, 1978 Quest for the Four-bounce Homer
August 14, 2007 April 28, 1976 First-grader Discovers Marxism
August 7, 2007 August 9, 1985 Son’s Driving Skills are Under Construction
July 31, 2007 July 31, 2007 Marriage Contract Amended Through Labor Negotiations
July 24, 2007 April 17, 1999 Bad Cartoon Voice Makes a Lasting Impression
July 17, 2007 June 1, 1969 Baby Bewildered by Baptism
July 3, 2007 April 17, 1985 Teenaged Tim’s Teeth are a Tinselly Tragedy
June 26, 2007 July 5, 1975 Giving up the Ghost Town Roller Coaster
June 19, 2007 June 19, 1987 Graduation Day Doggerel
June 12, 2007 May 18, 2004 Belabored Phone Conversation is a Test of Friendship
June 5, 2007 April 13, 2000 Matrimony’s Ultimate Symbol Gets Trashed
May 29, 2007 July 20, 1974 The March of the Poorly Dressed Ringbearers
May 22, 2007 January 16, 2007 America is What’s Hippening
May 15, 2007 June 18, 2006 Apartment Beige Goes Bye-bye
May 8, 2007 May 3, 1987 A High School Musical Long Before High School Musical
May 1, 2007 October 7, 1973 Photographing Family in the Backyard is a Post-church Safari
April 26, 2007 June 25, 1993 Singing the Phrases of the Olive Garden
April 19, 2007 February 26, 1987 Track Season Starts off on the Wrong Foot
April 12, 2007 May 14, 1986 Choice of Team Captain is off the Beaten Track
April 5, 2007 March 24, 2007 I’m Not Driving Defensively…You are!
March 29, 2007 March 7, 1987 This Fan Club is What’s Happening
March 22, 2007 March 22, 2007 Forecast Calls for Better Showers (and Tubs)
March 15, 2007 December 8, 1973 Bad TV is Best Viewed from a Garbage Can
March 8, 2007 November 16, 1980 He’s Not an Animal, He’s the Elephant Brother
March 1, 2007 March 2, 2002 Happy St. Patrick’s Month!
February 22, 2007 March 14, 1985 Brother Gets One Measly Photo on the Front Page
February 15, 2007 March 6, 2004 Now It’s All Water Under the Bookbridge
February 8, 2007 December 14, 1981 “Ski Club” is an Appropriately Violent Phrase
February 1, 2007 February 1, 2007 Greater Binghamton Means Greater Neighbors
January 25, 2007 August 5, 1986 Professional Theatre Debut is Off the Beat
January 18, 2007 February 17, 1985 Paperboys Wanted for Grand Theft Auto
January 11, 2007 January 11, 2007 The Island of Forgotten Christmas Tree Ornaments
January 4, 2007 January 1, 1998 New Year’s Eve Party of Five
December 28, 2006 January 1, 1993 New Year’s Resolutions for 1993
December 21, 2006 December 25, 1976 Under the Christmas Tree, Action Figures Battle for Supremacy
December 14, 2006 August 10, 1986 Garage Door Damaged on Re-entry
December 7, 2006 September 20, 1977 Bad Scout Reports to Dad Scout
November 30, 2006 November 17, 2006 Karma Kick-back from Arizona Strangers
November 23, 2006 November 22, 2006 ‘Twas the Night Before Thanksgiving
November 16, 2006 July 30, 1979 For Whom the Dinner Bell Tolls
November 9, 2006 October 15, 1985 Hitting the Junior Prom Jackpot
November 2, 2006 October 17, 1997 The Battle of John Denver and Bruce Springsteen
October 26, 2006 October 31, 1998 At Halloween Costume Party, White Blanket is Wet Blanket
October 19, 2006 December 11, 1990 Writing Like a Lefty Makes Righty Feel Wrongy
October 12, 2006 October 1, 1976 Get-well Cards Expose Dark Side of Second Grade
October 5, 2006 September 27, 1976 Second-grader Takes the Fall for Bunk-bed Safety
September 28, 2006 February 26, 1985 Model Bowlers Unwelcome in Gym Class
September 21, 2006 October 2, 1987 Frilly Bedroom Proves You Can Never Really Go Home Again
September 14, 2006 November 10, 1974 Heavyweights Coach Flyweights in Brotherly Boxing Showdown
September 7, 2006 September 7, 2006 While Were Axing Planets, Lets Simplify a Few Other Things
August 31, 2006 August 31, 2006 Disney Follows Suit, Demotes Pluto
August 24, 2006 May 23, 1991 The Birth of “The Shaun Cassidy Fan Club”
August 17, 2006 July 14, 1977 They’ll Never Call the Mollen Boys “Happy Campers”
August 10, 2006 August 4, 2006 A Vehicular Breakdown Precipitates a Mental Breakdown
August 3, 2006 July 16, 1991 Dating the Girl Next Dorren
July 27, 2006 July 21, 2006 Brother’s High School Reunion Provides Perfect Practice
July 20, 2006 August 8, 1977 Backyard Camping Offers Views of “the Wild Life
July 13, 2006 July 13, 2006 Lost Journal Turns One
July 6, 2006 August 19, 1980 Biting Ice Cream is an Unorthodox Test of Manhood
June 29, 2006 February 14, 1982 On 3WT-FM, Stew Jay was King DJ
June 22, 2006 July 7, 1984 A Yearbook Defiled
June 15, 2006 June 15, 2006 Porking out at Park Diner is a Perk
June 8, 2006 May 18, 2006 On Real Estate Closing Day, You Sign Your Life Away
June 1, 2006 April 8, 2006 Every Man’s Castle Needs a Throne
May 25, 2006 March 5, 2003 To Be or Not to Be...a Substitute Teacher
May 18, 2006 February 21, 1986 Fake Foreign Exchange Student is the Ultimate Hall Pass
May 11, 2006 May 5, 1990 Get Dad to the Church on Time
May 4, 2006 May 4, 1969 Trip into this World Calls for a Travel Agent
April 27, 2006 April 19, 1988 Putting the Ham in Iambic Pentameter
April 20, 2006 August 17, 1982 Teed-off at Taylor’s Tiny Town
April 13, 2006 April 6, 2006 Go Fourth, Graders...and Write!
April 6, 2006 May 25, 1976 Bicentennial T-shirt Deprivation
March 30, 2006 June 5, 1985 On the Road to Failing Trigonometry
March 23, 2006 March 20, 2006 Unearthing the Lost Cinema National Theme Song
March 16, 2006 September 20, 1999 This Catchphrase is the Jenkins
March 9, 2006 February 9, 1996 Gas Station Mini-Mart is a Road Trip Oasis
March 2, 2006 April 20, 1973 Hoarding Glassware as a Looney Tunes Tycoon
February 23, 2006 February 28, 1983 Mollen Vacation Marred by Mudslides
February 16, 2006 February 16, 2006 Introducing the 2007 Honda Giblet
February 9, 2006 October 7, 1981 Mastering Zork on the Apple II Plus
February 2, 2006 April 22, 1977 Try to Make it to the Couch
January 26, 2006 November 13, 2001 Documenting National Insecurity
January 19, 2006 October 24, 1986 Decoding Secret Nicknames
January 12, 2006 February 11, 1983 The Dawning of a Snow Day
January 5, 2006 December 31, 2005 The Actors Nightmare Comes True
December 29, 2005 January 1, 1984 New Years Resolutions for 1984
December 22, 2005 December 7, 1996 Dads Christmas Dating Advice
December 15, 2005 December 15, 2005 Hey, Nice Virus.  Can I Have It?
December 8, 2005 March 21, 2002 The Case of the Hungry, Stupid Mover
December 1, 2005 March 11, 1982 Field Trip to the Sewage Treatment Plant
November 24, 2005 November 27, 1969 My First Thanksgiving
November 17, 2005