Humor Column - Tim Mollen's LOST JOURNAL

PUBLISHED	JOURNAL ENTRY	SUBJECT
July 3, 2009	July 10, 1976	Beware of Brothers in Bumper Cars
June 26, 2009	January 10, 1978	The Day our Dog Trashed the Family Name
June 12, 2009	June 5, 2009	At a “White Party,” a White Man Looks Far Too White, Man
May 29, 2009	January 8, 1977	Boxing and Bathrooms and Books – Oh my!
May 22, 2009	September 12, 1988	The Bard is for the Birds
May 15, 2009	May 15, 2009	American Idol Plays to Worst Instincts of the American Idle
May 1, 2009	May 4, 1982	Suffering the Misfortunes of Birthday the 13^th
April 24, 2009	April 24, 2009	Running Commentary on the Changing Shape of a Commentator
April 17, 2009	February 18, 2009	Age 40 Weighs Heavily on Mind and Body
April 10, 2009	August 14, 1970	Out of Age One, Many
April 3, 2009	February 26, 2007	Humorist Makes Serious Decision not to Kid
March 20, 2009	March 24, 1990	American Embarrassadors Face English Expulsion
March 13, 2009	March 17, 1990	Water Bombs over Britain
March 6, 2009	September 13, 1982	“Twit” Lacks Wit, as Far as Nicknames Go
February 27, 2009	September 5, 1993	Brother, Can You Spare an Apartment?
February 20, 2009	February 20, 2009	What if Words Really Were Weapons?
February 13, 2009	October 23, 1980	Opera is Elementary
January 30, 2009	September 28, 1978	No Class Photo is Complete Without a Complete Lack of Class
January 23, 2009	January 23, 2009	Plumbing the Depths of my Wallet
January 16, 2009	July 17, 1990	Manufacturing a Paycheck at IBM
January 9, 2009	January 1, 1990	New Year’s Resolutions for 1990
January 2, 2009	January 1, 1999	The Wedding That Almost Wasn’t
December 23, 2008	December 24, 1994	Brother Specializes in Christmas Coal
December 16, 2008	December 5, 2008	Sing Poorly? Karaoke Dokey!
December 9, 2008	August 7, 1971	Toddler on a Sweetener Bender
December 2, 2008	February 23, 1988	Cleanliness is Next to Nuttiness
November 25, 2008	November 25, 2008	Happy Thankslisting!
November 18, 2008	October 15, 2007	Playing Patient Less Fun than Playing Doctor
November 4, 2008	November 5, 1984	The Night Before Election ‘84
October 28, 2008	October 28, 2008	Sounds of the Season are More Scary than Merry
October 21, 2008	October 18, 2001	On Second Thought, Leave the Septum Deviated
October 14, 2008	September 25, 1986	To Make a Good Marriage, You Have to Break a Few Eggs
October 7, 2008	August 11, 2000	I’ll Have a Bacon Double Bacon Burger – Hold the Burger
September 30, 2008	April 26, 1982	Victory Goes to the Science Fair-minded
September 23, 2008	September 23, 2008	Sweating the Details Can Be Good for Your Health
September 16, 2008	September 18, 1999	Blood is not Thicker than the Water on the Back Nine
September 9, 2008	September 6, 1984	1984 Sophomore Looks Ahead
September 2, 2008	September 2, 2008	Chances of Advances in a Number of Slumber Techniques Peak
August 26, 2008	April 13, 1982	Smart Alecks Outsmarted on Crank Call
August 19, 2008	February 8, 1997	Romance Tanks at the National Aquarium
August 5, 2008	August 5, 2008	Onstage, Being Good at Being Bad Can Be Good or Bad
July 29, 2008	July 10, 1973	Yes, but When Will the Caged Bird Sing?
July 22, 2008	November 7, 1997	At the Help Desk, the Customer is Always Angry
July 15, 2008	July 5, 2008	Dancing Near the Stars
July 1, 2008	June 30, 2006	Friend’s Odd Gift Delivers Cleansing Humor
June 24, 2008	September 5, 1991	A Portrait of the Comedian as a Young Man
June 17, 2008	September 24, 1979	London Broil is Falling Down
June 10, 2008	June 6, 1980	Amusement Park Ride “Brings out” the Worst in Fifth-grader
June 3, 2008	June 3, 2008	Kornheiser Removed from 7-year-old’s Enemies List (for Now)
May 27, 2008	June 1, 1988	Driving Standards Shift When Shifting in a Standard
May 20, 2008	May 30, 1987	Not Working at the Car Wash
May 13, 2008	May 8, 2008	Nephew’s “Enemies List” Exposed
May 6, 2008	May 4, 1981	With Birthday Gifts, Sometimes it’s the Lack of Thought That Counts
April 29, 2008	April 6, 1973	Bedtime Prayers for a President and the Pratfall-prone
April 22, 2008	February 12, 2008	Lasikally, I Got Rid of my Glasses
April 15, 2008	February 12, 2007	For Some, the Glasses are Always Half-empty
April 8, 2008	September 28, 2006	Singing in the Land of the Burns Sisters Band
April 1, 2008	July 2, 2001	Forewarning of Firing Feels Frightening
March 18, 2008	May 7, 1976	Early Planning for a Super Career
March 11, 2008	March 17, 1983	Reel Men Don’t Jig
March 4, 2008	October 15, 1994	Dad Truly Believes in Cleaning Leaves from the Eaves
February 26, 2008	September 1, 1984	Shutout at Shea Leads Brothers to Cannibalism
February 19, 2008	May 18, 1996	Meeting Cute, Part Deux
February 12, 2008	March 9, 1996	Finding my Funny Valentine
February 5, 2008	January 23, 1987	Dramatic Reading is Nicer than a Snoo Beadling
January 29, 2008	January 29, 2008	Special BONUS Column Commentary
January 22, 2008	August 6, 2005	Up on the Woof
January 15, 2008	August 30, 1974	Can a Godfather Be in the Hell’s Angels?
January 8, 2008	November 19, 1987	Nap During Lecture Leads to Conjecture
January 1, 2008	January 1, 1979	New Year’s Resolutions for 1979
December 25, 2007	December 24, 1985	Uncle’s Gift Mows Down the Christmas Spirit
December 18, 2007	June 14, 2002	It’s Like Having an Uncle in the Comedy Business!
December 4, 2007	July 3, 1986	Youth! Leaders! Conferring! Inside a Youth Leadership Conference
November 27, 2007	February 26, 1982	Beware the Aquarium of Doom
November 20, 2007	November 20, 2007	Be Thankful for the Medium-sized Things
November 13, 2007	November 8, 2007	More Snores Mean Less Deep Sleep
November 6, 2007	September 10, 1988	A Pointless Bit of Yard Work Spawns Two Backyard Becketts
October 30, 2007	October 31, 1978	Kids’ Halloween Party is All About the Clothes – and the Rules
October 23, 2007	November 16, 1974	Brothers’ Names Rhyme…Sometimes
October 16, 2007	October 7, 2007	At High School Reunion, She was the Wife of the Party
October 9, 2007	October 5, 2007	20 Years Ago, We Committed to this Committee
October 2, 2007	October 2, 2007	Car Window Stickers Meet the Demand to Brand
September 25, 2007	August 26, 1987	First Day of College Knowledge
September 18, 2007	September 18, 2007	Get Your Face out of MySpace
September 11, 2007	April 18, 1982	Dungeons and Dragons and Dice – Oh my!
September 4, 2007	November 1, 1981	Mom’s Free Haircuts are Worth Every Penny
August 28, 2007	August 28, 2007	Once Removed, is a Cousin Still Family?
August 21, 2007	August 21, 1978	Quest for the Four-bounce Homer
August 14, 2007	April 28, 1976	First-grader Discovers Marxism
August 7, 2007	August 9, 1985	Son’s Driving Skills are Under Construction
July 31, 2007	July 31, 2007	Marriage Contract Amended Through Labor Negotiations
July 24, 2007	April 17, 1999	Bad Cartoon Voice Makes a Lasting Impression
July 17, 2007	June 1, 1969	Baby Bewildered by Baptism
July 3, 2007	April 17, 1985	Teenaged Tim’s Teeth are a Tinselly Tragedy
June 26, 2007	July 5, 1975	Giving up the Ghost Town Roller Coaster
June 19, 2007	June 19, 1987	Graduation Day Doggerel
June 12, 2007	May 18, 2004	Belabored Phone Conversation is a Test of Friendship
June 5, 2007	April 13, 2000	Matrimony’s Ultimate Symbol Gets Trashed
May 29, 2007	July 20, 1974	The March of the Poorly Dressed Ringbearers
May 22, 2007	January 16, 2007	America is What’s Hippening
May 15, 2007	June 18, 2006	Apartment Beige Goes Bye-bye
May 8, 2007	May 3, 1987	A High School Musical Long Before High School Musical
May 1, 2007	October 7, 1973	Photographing Family in the Backyard is a Post-church Safari
April 26, 2007	June 25, 1993	Singing the Phrases of the Olive Garden
April 19, 2007	February 26, 1987	Track Season Starts off on the Wrong Foot
April 12, 2007	May 14, 1986	Choice of Team Captain is off the Beaten Track
April 5, 2007	March 24, 2007	I’m Not Driving Defensively…You are!
March 29, 2007	March 7, 1987	This Fan Club is What’s Happening
March 22, 2007	March 22, 2007	Forecast Calls for Better Showers (and Tubs)
March 15, 2007	December 8, 1973	Bad TV is Best Viewed from a Garbage Can
March 8, 2007	November 16, 1980	He’s Not an Animal, He’s the Elephant Brother
March 1, 2007	March 2, 2002	Happy St. Patrick’s Month!
February 22, 2007	March 14, 1985	Brother Gets One Measly Photo on the Front Page
February 15, 2007	March 6, 2004	Now It’s All Water Under the Bookbridge
February 8, 2007	December 14, 1981	“Ski Club” is an Appropriately Violent Phrase
February 1, 2007	February 1, 2007	Greater Binghamton Means Greater Neighbors
January 25, 2007	August 5, 1986	Professional Theatre Debut is Off the Beat
January 18, 2007	February 17, 1985	Paperboys Wanted for Grand Theft Auto
January 11, 2007	January 11, 2007	The Island of Forgotten Christmas Tree Ornaments
January 4, 2007	January 1, 1998	New Year’s Eve Party of Five
December 28, 2006	January 1, 1993	New Year’s Resolutions for 1993
December 21, 2006	December 25, 1976	Under the Christmas Tree, Action Figures Battle for Supremacy
December 14, 2006	August 10, 1986	Garage Door Damaged on Re-entry
December 7, 2006	September 20, 1977	Bad Scout Reports to Dad Scout
November 30, 2006	November 17, 2006	Karma Kick-back from Arizona Strangers
November 23, 2006	November 22, 2006	‘Twas the Night Before Thanksgiving
November 16, 2006	July 30, 1979	For Whom the Dinner Bell Tolls
November 9, 2006	October 15, 1985	Hitting the Junior Prom Jackpot
November 2, 2006	October 17, 1997	The Battle of John Denver and Bruce Springsteen
October 26, 2006	October 31, 1998	At Halloween Costume Party, White Blanket is Wet Blanket
October 19, 2006	December 11, 1990	Writing Like a Lefty Makes Righty Feel Wrongy
October 12, 2006	October 1, 1976	Get-well Cards Expose Dark Side of Second Grade
October 5, 2006	September 27, 1976	Second-grader Takes the Fall for Bunk-bed Safety
September 28, 2006	February 26, 1985	Model Bowlers Unwelcome in Gym Class
September 21, 2006	October 2, 1987	Frilly Bedroom Proves You Can Never Really Go Home Again
September 14, 2006	November 10, 1974	Heavyweights Coach Flyweights in Brotherly Boxing Showdown
September 7, 2006	September 7, 2006	While We’re Axing Planets, Let’s Simplify a Few Other Things
August 31, 2006	August 31, 2006	Disney Follows Suit, Demotes Pluto
August 24, 2006	May 23, 1991	The Birth of “The Shaun Cassidy Fan Club”
August 17, 2006	July 14, 1977	They’ll Never Call the Mollen Boys “Happy Campers”
August 10, 2006	August 4, 2006	A Vehicular Breakdown Precipitates a Mental Breakdown
August 3, 2006	July 16, 1991	Dating the Girl Next Dorren
July 27, 2006	July 21, 2006	Brother’s High School Reunion Provides Perfect Practice
July 20, 2006	August 8, 1977	Backyard Camping Offers Views of “the Wild Life”
July 13, 2006	July 13, 2006	Lost Journal Turns One
July 6, 2006	August 19, 1980	Biting Ice Cream is an Unorthodox Test of Manhood
June 29, 2006	February 14, 1982	On 3WT-FM, Stew Jay was King DJ
June 22, 2006	July 7, 1984	A Yearbook Defiled
June 15, 2006	June 15, 2006	Porking out at Park Diner is a Perk
June 8, 2006	May 18, 2006	On Real Estate Closing Day, You Sign Your Life Away
June 1, 2006	April 8, 2006	Every Man’s Castle Needs a Throne
May 25, 2006	March 5, 2003	To Be or Not to Be...a Substitute Teacher
May 18, 2006	February 21, 1986	Fake Foreign Exchange Student is the Ultimate Hall Pass
May 11, 2006	May 5, 1990	Get Dad to the Church on Time
May 4, 2006	May 4, 1969	Trip into this World Calls for a Travel Agent
April 27, 2006	April 19, 1988	Putting the Ham in Iambic Pentameter
April 20, 2006	August 17, 1982	Teed-off at Taylor’s Tiny Town
April 13, 2006	April 6, 2006	Go Fourth, Graders...and Write!
April 6, 2006	May 25, 1976	Bicentennial T-shirt Deprivation
March 30, 2006	June 5, 1985	On the Road to Failing Trigonometry
March 23, 2006	March 20, 2006	Unearthing the Lost Cinema National Theme Song
March 16, 2006	September 20, 1999	This Catchphrase is the Jenkins
March 9, 2006	February 9, 1996	Gas Station Mini-Mart is a Road Trip Oasis
March 2, 2006	April 20, 1973	Hoarding Glassware as a Looney Tunes Tycoon
February 23, 2006	February 28, 1983	Mollen Vacation Marred by Mudslides
February 16, 2006	February 16, 2006	Introducing the 2007 Honda Giblet
February 9, 2006	October 7, 1981	Mastering Zork on the Apple II Plus
February 2, 2006	April 22, 1977	Try to Make it to the Couch
January 26, 2006	November 13, 2001	Documenting National Insecurity
January 19, 2006	October 24, 1986	Decoding Secret Nicknames
January 12, 2006	February 11, 1983	The Dawning of a Snow Day
January 5, 2006	December 31, 2005	The Actor’s Nightmare Comes True
December 29, 2005	January 1, 1984	New Year’s Resolutions for 1984
December 22, 2005	December 7, 1996	Dad’s Christmas Dating Advice
December 15, 2005	December 15, 2005	Hey, Nice Virus. Can I Have It?
December 8, 2005	March 21, 2002	The Case of the Hungry, Stupid Mover
December 1, 2005	March 11, 1982	Field Trip to the Sewage Treatment Plant
November 24, 2005	November 27, 1969	My First Thanksgiving
November 17, 2005	April 17, 2005	Register Online as an Unemployed Lion Tamer
November 10, 2005	October 19, 1985	Rakin’ to the Oldies
November 3, 2005	October 31, 1996	The Legend of Candy Bowl Hollow
October 27, 2005	March 6, 1984	Every Paperboy Needs an Enforcer
October 20, 2005	November 12, 1982	Headgear and the Moonlight Skate
October 13, 2005	September 21, 1972	A Child’s View from the Pew
October 6, 2005	November 12, 1986	Cafeteria Performance Art
September 29, 2005	January 17, 1996	This Landlord is a Warlord
September 22, 2005	August 13, 1980	Trying to Set the Tree-sit Record
September 15, 2005	September 15, 2005	Embracing the Inner Old Guy
September 8, 2005	September 12, 1976	Bad Day for Bat Day
September 1, 2005	July 1, 1989	Getting Grilled at Wendy’s
August 25, 2005	June 15, 1989	Convenience Store Blues
August 18, 2005	July 8, 1989	Comedy Blackout at Friendly’s
August 11, 2005	January 7, 1980	The Road to Uncle-Dumb
August 4, 2005	May 28, 2005	The Rise of the Movie Vigilante
July 28, 2005	August 8, 1988	The Day the Drugstore Died
July 21, 2005	June 16, 1978	Kool-Aid Sells Better with a Little Punch
July 14, 2005	July 14, 2005	Welcome to the Lost Journal
Humor columns published before the start of the weekly LOST JOURNAL:
May 18, 2005		Clash of the Gym Class Titans
March 23, 2005		The Soft Rock Café
December 15, 2004		Stare with Care
October 20, 2004		Cats vs. Dogs: The Great Debate
September 8, 2004		Ask Your Doctor About Stuffacil!
July 14, 2004		Ketchup Packets are a Top Pet Peeve
June 2, 2004		Lament on a Lost Tooth
May 5, 2004		Brothers Create Disastrous Paperboy Dynasty
March 10, 2004		Restoring Tradition to St. Patrick’s Day
January 1, 2004		Decade Nicknaming