Lost Journal

Humor Column
by Tim Mollen
March 16, 2006

This Catchphrase is the Jenkins

Journal Entry:  September 20, 1999 (age 30)

At the age of 30, my grasp on what’s “in” is beginning to weaken.  As my grip on the hip slips, I am becoming increasingly dependent on the cultural knowledge of my wife’s younger siblings.  They wear Abercrombie & Fitch.  They know songs by Puff Daddy.  They think Puff Daddy writes “songs.”  In short, they are cool in a way I will never be again.

The eldest of my siblings-in-law is Louis Sigalas.  Louis is a 17-year-old high school senior with an encyclopedic command of sports statistics, movie plots, video game strategies and hip-hop culture.  His interests and outlook pretty much capture the current youth zeitgeist.  But the coolest thing about Louis is the fact that he doesn’t take any of it too seriously.

Recently, Louis and one of his buddies decided to create their own slang catchphrase, and see if they could make it catch on.  I noticed it as soon as he began slipping it into conversation.

“Did you see The Sixth Sense?  That movie is the Jenkins.”

“The Philadelphia Eagles rule.  They’re the Jenkins.”

He never explains the phrase, but in context it’s clear that being the Jenkins is a good thing.  The more he uses the phrase, the more people begin to ask about it.  The more he refuses to explain it, the more amused I become.  His refusal to explain the phrase sends a clear message to each inquirer:  “Dude, if I have to explain it...”

The phrase makes no sense.  Jenkins isn’t even a word.  As the first person to set it down on paper, I have chosen to capitalize it because it sounds like a last name.  More specifically, it sounds like the name of a well-mannered butler who would love to make you scones and bring you hot towels.  Wouldn’t that be the Jenkins?

So far, only Louis and a few of his friends have been using the phrase.  But now, in the interests of sociological experimentation, I have begun saying it as well.  I hope to cross-pollinate the neologism among my fellow Gen-Xers.  Soon, the Jenkins could be the title of a Destiny’s Child album, or the name of a line of designer shoelaces.  Roger Ebert could retire the thumbs, and begin rating films on the JenkinsMeter.

It seems to me that the term “cool” has unfairly sat atop the throne of hip lingo for far too long.   Why has “cool” stayed cool for well over 50 years?  That’s not cool.  Isn’t it time “cool” followed the trajectory of terms like “groovy,” “tubular” and “too sexy for this shirt?”  But maybe I shouldn’t even be thinking about the role of linguistics in pop culture, in light of the larger issues facing us today.  After all, when the Y2K crisis hits, we’re all going to be plunged into a world of darkness and wont.

That’s going to be the Jangles.

© 2006 Tim Mollen

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