Lost Journal

Humor Column
by Tim Mollen
August 14, 2007

First-grader Discovers Marxism

Journal Entry:  April 28, 1976 (age 6)

I’m almost at the end of first grade at St. Thomas Aquinas Elementary in Binghamton.  I really like my teacher, Miss Pavia, and my classmates.  The only thing that’s lacking is any kind of structured preparation for what I really want to do in life, which is make a fool of myself for fun and profit.  To compensate, I have engaged in an intensive, distance-learning curriculum.  In other words, I watch a lot of TV.

My comedy teachers are many.  Through The Muppet Show, Fozzie Bear has taught me that enthusiasm and a funny voice can mask a lack of good jokes.  Rabbi Fozzie has distilled this approach into an ascetic/comedic worldview that one might call “Wakkawakkaism.”  From The Letter People, I have learned that simple alliteration can be amazingly amusing.  In addition, the character of Mr. Pointy Patches embodies the transcendent beauty of absurdism.  When disciples like me struggle with the question, “How can patches be pointy?,” we gain insights into life’s essential duality.

But to build a strong foundation in the comedic arts, one must start with the classical masters.  I am continuously studying at the onscreen heels of the greats:  Laureate Larry Fine, Master Moe Howard, Chairman Curly Howard, and Sensei Shemp Howard.  Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, indeed.  But my favorite teacher is the great Groucho Marx.  His goofy facial expressions are accompanied by a brilliant improvisational wit.  Who else has an iconic mask based on his funny face?  Even Bugs Bunny pays homage to Groucho.

So it was with a sense of reverence that I recently wrote a Marx Brothers comedy for the stage, entitled Stuck in Farmer’s Jeans.  Miss Pavia agreed to let me direct a few of my friends in this one-act play, which we performed today for our teachers, parents, and fellow students.  To play Groucho, I wore a black wig, mustache and eyebrows that my mom bought for me.  My dad even got me a real cigar, but I had to keep it in the wrapper.  My friend Matt Tabeek played Chico, wearing a funny, pointed hat.  Bobby Wozniak wore a trench coat and carried a bike horn for his role as Harpo.  My neighborhood pal from Edgecomb Road, Wren Grady, played the farmer who tangles with the brothers.

We didn’t have as many rehearsals as I would have liked, so during today’s performance, I had to tell my friends some of their lines.  A couple of times, I had to point or physically move them to the places they were supposed to stand, sit, or exit.  I think that is probably how big-time directors do it.  My mom seemed to think that was the best part of the show.  Every time I said someone else’s line or pulled an actor offstage, she let out a whooping laugh.  After the show, I asked her why she didn’t laugh as loud at the dialogue, or the plot.  She said, “Oh, I did, sweetie – I was probably just drowned out by everyone else.”  Then she started laughing again.  Oh well, I guess that was the whole point.

© 2007 Tim Mollen

Share the funny and help promote Lost Journal:

BACK	INDEX	NEXT