Lost Journal

Humor Column
by Tim Mollen
April 29, 2008

Bedtime Prayers for a President and the Pratfall-prone

Journal Entry:  April 6, 1973 (age 3)

Just as we do every night, my brother Dan and I knelt beside our beds and said our prayers as our mother watched.

“Angel of God, my guardian dear
To whom God's love commits me here.
Ever this night be at my side
To light and guard, to rule and guide.

And God, please bless George Washington
And the Three Stooges.”

We’ve been making the last two requests for a while now.  On a family trip into New York City last month, my dad said that we were driving across the George Washington Bridge.  “Does he live around here?,” I asked.  “No, Timmy,” said Dad, “He was from Virginia, and he died many, many years ago.”  Dan and I had heard all about how Mr. Washington had led our troops against the British during the Revolution, how he became our very first president, and how he never told a lie, even about his wooden dentures.  But we were very sad to hear that he had died, and we cried for the rest of the trip.  Mom let us start praying for him that night.

Then, last week, I heard on the radio that one of the Three Stooges, Larry, is very sick.  I love the Three Stooges, and Larry is probably my favorite.  He has red hair like mine and he’s always really nice, even though he gets beaten up all the time.  Knowing that Larry didn’t feel good bothered me, and that night before bed, I asked Mom about it.  “Are Moe and Curly taking care of their brother?,” I asked.  Mom smiled sadly and said, “I’m sure Moe is, but Curly is…”  She stopped in the middle, and I could tell by the worried look on her face that something really bad had happened.  “Is Curly…DEAD?!,” I asked.  When she nodded, I burst into tears.  This was so much worse than I thought.  Larry was sick, and Curly was dead.  Poor Moe!  “But I just saw all three of them on TV, and they looked okay!”

Mom hugged me, and said that Curly had gone to Heaven a long time ago.  Then Dan came in from brushing his teeth.  He saw that I was crying, and when I told him why, he started crying, too.  Sometimes we cry when the other one of us is crying, because it makes us feel sad.  But I think Dan really liked poor, dead Curly, too.  He pointed out that Mom had just given us The Three Stooges and Six Funny Bone Stories.  It’s a BRAND NEW comedy album, and it has all three brothers on it.  Mom couldn’t explain that one, either – just like the TV thing!  But we got on our knees and made sure that we saved our request for the three brothers for the very end of our prayers.  We’ve been praying for them every night since.

One Stooge, and no George Washington?  What kind of world is this anyway?

© 2008 Tim Mollen

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